As I sit here and look around my house, I see a collection of things that represent the many years of my life. It's funny how important these things were during each stage of my life- childhood, college, marriage, children, etc. But now at the age of 45, I sit here and realize how unimportant these things really are.
Yes, I still look at them and remember the treasured times that they represent, but do I need to hold onto them? Do I need to have "things" to remind me of the good times? The answer is no. I carry those fond memories with me all of the time and do not need an object to help me remember.
Not only items from the past, but also the items from the present clog and clutter the walls, corners, cabinets, drawers and closets. Are these all things that we need? Not all are necessities. Many things that we have are things that we want, the kids want, the grandparents unnecessarily buy, etc. Why? Do they make us happy? Can anyone say that the things they have make and keep them happy? No, things do not make you happy.
Believe me, I am not saying that I do not want to buy anything else. I love technology, computers, and many of the latest gadgets. And yes, the excitement of buying something new is part of the fun. But how long is the excitement there until the next "latest and greatest" version comes out or I have buyers remorse for spending the money. What could I have used it on that would be of better use? I am sure that there is a long list.
I know that I am not old by any means. I am not wealthy, nor am I poor. I have my needs met and I certainly am not going without the basic necessities; however, I look at everything and think of how much room each thing occupies in our house, garage and thoughts. How much easier it would be to keep up with the housework if there was less. How much simpler our lives would be if we did not fixate on holding on to or buying the things that sit in boxes and we never use. How much money would we have to travel? How much money would we have to help others? How much money would we have to show and teach our children how to pay it forward? These experiences will ultimately make us much more happy and help us to change the lives of others beyond our limited circles.
As I look at where I am in my life, I realize that I want and need less. I find that my spirit yearns to help others more. I so want to make a difference and to leave a legacy of love, appreciation and service to others, instead of just leaving stuff!
Friday, August 9, 2013
Monday, May 27, 2013
Dreams & Memories of My Grandparent's House
The other night I had a dream about being at my grandparent's house. I often go back to that house in my dreams to "visit" Grammy and Grandpop. While there, I relive the past, work through current challenges and often have crazy and mixed up dreams that I am sure have meaning. Things are almost always good when I am there, just like when I was young.
I don't know if you had the same experiences at your grandparent's house as I did at my grandparent's house; however, those were some of the best days of my life. Those were the days of all the aunts and uncles getting along (most of the time). Those were the days of all of the cousins frequently meeting there on weekends and special occassions. We shared so may memories, good and not so good.
I remember all os us, girls and boys, hanging out together during the numerous BBQs, Sunday dinners and holidays. I rememeber all of the laughter and tears. I rememeber our time playing games on the half acre property in N.J. - Fliers and Grounders, Flashlight tag (when my uncle couldn't climb out of the tree), exploring the woods, skateboarding on Pierson's hill, swimming in Sweder's pool, etc.
At Grammy & Grandpop's house we celebrated life and ate a lot of food- the weddings of Aunts and Uncles (I especially remember Aunt Dee's), birthdays, and especially holidays. We often had a great time traveling in a pack for Halloween Trick or Treating. The funniest of those time is when Aunt Mary burnt a cork and put it all over her face to dress up like a native and not then being able to wash it off later! Those were the days of knowing your neighbors, getting full sized Hershey bars, exploring neighbors' haunted houses, incessant laughter and family bonding.
Christmas was always the most fun! We would all have presents to open and I would often play Barbies with my cousin Lisa by the living room love seat. At night, there was a white Christmas star in the large front window that was always plugged in at sunset. We swore that you could see it everywhere! One of my strongest memories at Christmas is as we drove down the driveway on our way home, seeing that Christmas star illuminating the window and Grammy and Grandpop, smiling and waving as we drove away.
I remember meeting my first love there. My cousin Lowell was living there at the time and his friend Scott was over. He was wearing my Uncle Glenn's Billy Jack hat and sitting near the cherry tree. It was a great time for us to be together as we both needed each other during that time in our lives. I am grateful for his friendship still today. (Young Turks- LOL!)
Our family mourned our relatives together at that house. I can still picture Grandpop sitting at the kitchen table sitting in his chair turned backwards so he could lean on the back of the chair and face the table while using is breathing machine. I actually can't remember him without it. When Grandpop became sick and passed away was probably the hardest time for all of us at the house.
We all still met there for many years after. It didn't matter how old we were at that house; when we were there, we were still the kids and the grown ups were always the grown ups. We met, we laughed, we cried and we ate!
When my Grammy had to sell the house, it was like a piece of me was missing. So much of my life was spent there and so many good memories occurred there. I can still picture Grandpop's garden, our Easter egg hunts, watching Lawrence Welk (and rolling our eyes!), brushing Aunt Dee's long hair, Uncle Glenn playing his records (Jerimiah was a bull frog), Uncle Lowell laughing and happy, Aunt Mary's voice filling the kitchen, my mom playing the peace keeper between her siblings and loving every minute of it! (and cooking- LOL!)
As I sit here, I am flooded with great feelings, warm memories and a big smile across my face. How I wish my kids could have experienced this same thing with their cousins. How I feel sorry that they haven't and never will. How thankful I am for the blessing of those time and of my family! I will continue to remember and dream of those wonderful days and will hold it all close to my heart!
I don't know if you had the same experiences at your grandparent's house as I did at my grandparent's house; however, those were some of the best days of my life. Those were the days of all the aunts and uncles getting along (most of the time). Those were the days of all of the cousins frequently meeting there on weekends and special occassions. We shared so may memories, good and not so good.
I remember all os us, girls and boys, hanging out together during the numerous BBQs, Sunday dinners and holidays. I rememeber all of the laughter and tears. I rememeber our time playing games on the half acre property in N.J. - Fliers and Grounders, Flashlight tag (when my uncle couldn't climb out of the tree), exploring the woods, skateboarding on Pierson's hill, swimming in Sweder's pool, etc.
At Grammy & Grandpop's house we celebrated life and ate a lot of food- the weddings of Aunts and Uncles (I especially remember Aunt Dee's), birthdays, and especially holidays. We often had a great time traveling in a pack for Halloween Trick or Treating. The funniest of those time is when Aunt Mary burnt a cork and put it all over her face to dress up like a native and not then being able to wash it off later! Those were the days of knowing your neighbors, getting full sized Hershey bars, exploring neighbors' haunted houses, incessant laughter and family bonding.
Christmas was always the most fun! We would all have presents to open and I would often play Barbies with my cousin Lisa by the living room love seat. At night, there was a white Christmas star in the large front window that was always plugged in at sunset. We swore that you could see it everywhere! One of my strongest memories at Christmas is as we drove down the driveway on our way home, seeing that Christmas star illuminating the window and Grammy and Grandpop, smiling and waving as we drove away.
I remember meeting my first love there. My cousin Lowell was living there at the time and his friend Scott was over. He was wearing my Uncle Glenn's Billy Jack hat and sitting near the cherry tree. It was a great time for us to be together as we both needed each other during that time in our lives. I am grateful for his friendship still today. (Young Turks- LOL!)
Our family mourned our relatives together at that house. I can still picture Grandpop sitting at the kitchen table sitting in his chair turned backwards so he could lean on the back of the chair and face the table while using is breathing machine. I actually can't remember him without it. When Grandpop became sick and passed away was probably the hardest time for all of us at the house.
We all still met there for many years after. It didn't matter how old we were at that house; when we were there, we were still the kids and the grown ups were always the grown ups. We met, we laughed, we cried and we ate!
When my Grammy had to sell the house, it was like a piece of me was missing. So much of my life was spent there and so many good memories occurred there. I can still picture Grandpop's garden, our Easter egg hunts, watching Lawrence Welk (and rolling our eyes!), brushing Aunt Dee's long hair, Uncle Glenn playing his records (Jerimiah was a bull frog), Uncle Lowell laughing and happy, Aunt Mary's voice filling the kitchen, my mom playing the peace keeper between her siblings and loving every minute of it! (and cooking- LOL!)
As I sit here, I am flooded with great feelings, warm memories and a big smile across my face. How I wish my kids could have experienced this same thing with their cousins. How I feel sorry that they haven't and never will. How thankful I am for the blessing of those time and of my family! I will continue to remember and dream of those wonderful days and will hold it all close to my heart!
Monday, May 20, 2013
A Letter to My Friend Upon Her Step Mom's Passing
(written on butterfly paper)
My Dear Friend,
Words can not express my feelings as I read the email about the passing of your step mom. I am glad that you had the opportunity to be with your sister and brothers by her bedside when she entered the next phase of her journey. I will continue to uphold all of you in prayer as you grieve your loss.
The process of saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy, no matter what the circumstances. I know that when my dad passed in May 2012, the conflicting emotions swirled around as to the sorrow of losing him, the gladness that his suffering was over, the regrets of the "could have", "should have" and "wish I would have" left me with overwhelming emotion. Although the pain does lessen over time, the "missing" of my dad still remains.
Through it all, you have your wonderful sister and brothers to support each other and love each other. Whatever you do, do not withdraw, but continue to reach out to each other and be determined to strengthen your family bond. Never wait for them to call you because they may be going through something and need to hear the sound of your voice as their big sister.
As you know, my faith in God is strong but it's not perfect. Faith is a journey. You are not expected to be perfect about it and not question or seek answers. I often question God as to why certain things happen. Sometimes I get angry or hurt. One thing I want to encourage you to do is to be yourself as you seek God and trying to strengthen your faith. You do not have to take the same path that others have taken. You do not have to conform to the man made rules that people have put into place.
All that you have to do is come as you are and God will meet you there and love you for you. You are made as God has intended and He loves you for you. You don't have to change or be anything that you are not; just be you!
Life is full of so many questions and a lot of things happen that we don't understand. The one thing I know is that God is with us on this journey because he is within us.We all carry God within us and we are all connected to each other, whether we realize it or not. Each of us is carrying a part of the other; you are a part of me as much as I am a part of you and we are connected to everyone else in this world. Our souls are entwined and comingled throughout eternity.
Because of this, our oneness ensures that we are never alone. Because of this, our loved ones never truly leave us when they pass on to the next phase of their soul's journey. They remain with us and bring us along for the ride. To me, that is the beauty of our connected spirits- past, present and future.
I believe that we each have a purpose and a calling during this lifetime. I know that there is a life for my soul after my physical death and I know that you do too. I encourage you not to dwell so much on the inevitable death of our bodies but to embrace life and live fearlessly and passionately. Everything that happens is a part of the bigger picture of what God has designed. We can't dwell on it and we may never understand it during our lifetime.
We all stumble through this life together and seek to understand why things happen. They just do. We only get one lifetime that we know of. Our job is to live, love, learn, forgive, enjoy, show compassion and help each other along the way. Life is, or should I say, this life is only a small part of our existence. Really live your life and don't take anything for granted.
I wrote this letter on butterfly stationary for a reason. I believe that your step mom has emerged from her cocoon (her physical body) with all of her life experiences. Because of all of these life experiences, even her cancer, she has been transformed (her spirit) into the most beautiful form of herself- her butterfly. I hope that you find comfort in knowing this.
With Love! S
(copyright SD Wolff 2013)
My Dear Friend,
Words can not express my feelings as I read the email about the passing of your step mom. I am glad that you had the opportunity to be with your sister and brothers by her bedside when she entered the next phase of her journey. I will continue to uphold all of you in prayer as you grieve your loss.
The process of saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy, no matter what the circumstances. I know that when my dad passed in May 2012, the conflicting emotions swirled around as to the sorrow of losing him, the gladness that his suffering was over, the regrets of the "could have", "should have" and "wish I would have" left me with overwhelming emotion. Although the pain does lessen over time, the "missing" of my dad still remains.
Through it all, you have your wonderful sister and brothers to support each other and love each other. Whatever you do, do not withdraw, but continue to reach out to each other and be determined to strengthen your family bond. Never wait for them to call you because they may be going through something and need to hear the sound of your voice as their big sister.
As you know, my faith in God is strong but it's not perfect. Faith is a journey. You are not expected to be perfect about it and not question or seek answers. I often question God as to why certain things happen. Sometimes I get angry or hurt. One thing I want to encourage you to do is to be yourself as you seek God and trying to strengthen your faith. You do not have to take the same path that others have taken. You do not have to conform to the man made rules that people have put into place.
All that you have to do is come as you are and God will meet you there and love you for you. You are made as God has intended and He loves you for you. You don't have to change or be anything that you are not; just be you!
Life is full of so many questions and a lot of things happen that we don't understand. The one thing I know is that God is with us on this journey because he is within us.We all carry God within us and we are all connected to each other, whether we realize it or not. Each of us is carrying a part of the other; you are a part of me as much as I am a part of you and we are connected to everyone else in this world. Our souls are entwined and comingled throughout eternity.
Because of this, our oneness ensures that we are never alone. Because of this, our loved ones never truly leave us when they pass on to the next phase of their soul's journey. They remain with us and bring us along for the ride. To me, that is the beauty of our connected spirits- past, present and future.
I believe that we each have a purpose and a calling during this lifetime. I know that there is a life for my soul after my physical death and I know that you do too. I encourage you not to dwell so much on the inevitable death of our bodies but to embrace life and live fearlessly and passionately. Everything that happens is a part of the bigger picture of what God has designed. We can't dwell on it and we may never understand it during our lifetime.
We all stumble through this life together and seek to understand why things happen. They just do. We only get one lifetime that we know of. Our job is to live, love, learn, forgive, enjoy, show compassion and help each other along the way. Life is, or should I say, this life is only a small part of our existence. Really live your life and don't take anything for granted.
I wrote this letter on butterfly stationary for a reason. I believe that your step mom has emerged from her cocoon (her physical body) with all of her life experiences. Because of all of these life experiences, even her cancer, she has been transformed (her spirit) into the most beautiful form of herself- her butterfly. I hope that you find comfort in knowing this.
With Love! S
(copyright SD Wolff 2013)
The Bad Parent Complex vs. Wonder Woman
So, yesterday was Mothers’ Day and it was the most awful day of my year! Why is it that I always end up feeling like a terrible mother no matter how hard I try, how patient I try to be patient or attentive to everyone else’s need, or how much I put myself last? The worst thing in the world, or should I say one of the worse, is why my child is hurt or going through something painful and I cannot help him/her. The helplessness I feel having to watch my child in emotional pain, struggling with anxiety, depression, ADHD, rejection or failure is excruciating!
As a mom, your children look to you to make things all better. From the time they are little and come to you with a boo boo, you are their hero. You are the person who knows everything and how to make everything alright- you are Wonder Woman!
And then as they are getting older and they pull away from you and you do not know what the heck you are talking about. ”You can’t possibly understand what I am going through. The world is different today and I am under a lot of pressure!” And then comes the silence and isolation. How can you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? How can you comfort them and possibly make it all better?
Thus starts the vicious cycle of “I don’t need you! Get away from me! It’s all your fault! and I hate you!” And as your child reiterates this over and over, you feel like a piece of crap! You have failed as a parent. What did I do to cause this to happen to my child? Did I yell too much? Did I not yell enough? Was it because I worked too much and didn’t stay home? Did I not buy enough stuff? Did I buy too much stuff? Am I too strict? Am I no strict enough?
Then society steps in with it’s judgments, as if I already don’t feel like the amoeba, on a flea that’s on the belly of a snake being dragged through the mud. When a child or adult goes to jail for something they did- it’s because of something the parents did or didn’t do. Your friend who doesn’t have kids seems to think that she knows exactly what you should do with your child, whom she does not have to live with day in and day out. The older ladies in the church can always tell you what you need to do because it worked for their child. You see a woman who is always smiling and her family is the picture perfect family that you thought you would have. You think that everyone in the world knows what a bad parent you are and you know for a fact that you should have never even had kids.
LIGHT BULB! Finally I get it; but actually I knew it all of the time. DUH! I am not perfect and I never will be. I try hard to be a great mom and I love my family! I may not be able to completely help my child and make it all better but I can support him/her and try to teach them how to overcome their challenges- sometimes by tough love and sometimes by tender love. Love is the always answer. I may not have to like their actions, situations, choices, etc. And I don’t have to love them, but I CHOOSE to love them and I show it.
My biggest challenge is learning to love myself too. I have to take care of myself and care about what happens to me. I have to support myself and cut myself some slack! Because we all know that that perfect mom with the perfect family down the road is not perfectly happy either. She probably feels the same way too! I have to give myself credit for what I have done and continue to be loving, supportive and have faith to know that I cannot control everything or anything. I need to love and be loved. I need to accept all of me as a parent and stop allowing others to make me feel bad about being me!
I am taking my power back, pickup my golden lasso again! I will do all that I can do for me and my family. I will care about myself as much as I care for them and nurture my own confidence as a mom. Because I can be Wonder Woman – maybe just in my own mind; and in my own mind I look hot in that outfit.
(Copyright by SD Wolff 2013)
How Did I Get Here?
Do you remember when you were little and someone asked you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” What was your answer? Is the job that you hold today the dream that you dreamt as a child? Are you living your dream?
Now I know that as we grow up, we change our minds about what we want to be; however, I think that we do so because of the influence of others instead of being true to ourselves. Expectations, peer pressure, money, power, etc. have all influenced us to drift from following our true dreams and often settle for close enough or not even close at all.
How often have you just gone through the motions, exist instead of living, planting a smile on your face to mask the pain and disappointment instead of experiencing true joy? What is your purpose? What is it that you enjoy? Do you even know who you are or have you lost yourself as you stumble along this journey of life?
Some call this time in my life a mid-life crisis; however, I feel like I have finally awakened from a deep and numbing slumber. My eyes are opened and I do not know how I got here? What the heck happened to my dreams? What even are my dreams? Who am I?
As I move forward, I want to know me. I want to love me. I want to be the dreamer that I know I am. It’s time to step off the worn path that others have made and step onto the path that is less traveled, full of uncertainty and excitement for discovering the best kept secrets within me. What are you waiting for? This is your wake up call too! You are most welcome to join me.
(copyright by SD Wolff 2013)
(copyright by SD Wolff 2013)
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